Things I Don’t Understand/Enjoy: A List

1. Stick Figure Families on Cars, Vans, SUVs, etc.

Despite popular opinion, I am no less inclined to hit you in the rear if I am informed of your three stick-figure husbands and twelve children, or even if it’s just you and your eight cats.

2. The EDM/House Music Craze

How anyone can find the “art” in this mind-numbing, repetitive junk is simply beyond me. I have tried and tried, but to no avail, to recognize that musicality exists in the nation-sweeping phenomenon of EDM/House/Dubstep. (I might as well lump in dubstep with the two). To me it’s pointless. And as I’ve witnessed in college, the genre maintains a huge presence in frat culture…(figures). Devoid of any real instrumental or vocal variety, house music is made for the musical simpleton. If lyrics cause you mental overload, the use of dynamics stumps you, or tonal variation busts your brains, then look no further–your ears won’t be challenged. I’ll also add, though, that perhaps the accompaniment of hallucinogenics improves the listener’s experience; I’ll have to try it that way.

3. Not using turn signals

4. Stick Pens

[Experience life without the caps]

5. “The Big Bang Theory”

My dog induces more laughter than this show can.

6. Country Music Radio Stations

(See also: country music, country music awards, country boots, hats, shirts, accents, etc)

7. The music industry’s acknowledgement of Miley Cyrus as an artist

Why, God, why.

8. Males with homeless-looking facial hair

[females OK]

9. Decaffeinated Coffee

10. Male attempts at picking up women via honking

I don’t know one single lady who, upon hearing a deafening honk from a sketchy male in a mysterious vehicle, would drop all her things and run to the buffoon.

Ok I’m done for now.

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